_ eNiGMa_

I made this essay for a scholarship application in my dream school. This is the edited version. The question is: "What made you what you are now?"

My name is Jechrist Wallen M. Ramos. I was born on December 25, 1994. Now, I'm 14 years old.

I was raised by my mom. Even though my father was not there with her, she wasn't alone. There were 7 members of our family then: my grandfather, my grandmother, my aunt, my mom, my two uncles, and me. Our family wasn't the ideal one, but we were happy.

I am aware that my mom loves me dearly. Likewise, I love her dearly too. She tried to be a mother and a father to me. She played those roles well and together with the other members made me think that our family is perfect.

Suddenly, my way of thinking changed when I stepped into the walls of school. There, I met children who have a mother and father. I did not wish to be with my real father at that time as far as I can remember. I think I just wanted to see him out of curiosity but, mom suddenly asked me if I wanted a whole family. Of course, as a child, I said yes. I wasn't mature enough to think of questions like: "Why isn't my father with us?" My mother wanted me to be happy so she broke up with her boyfriend who is also her best friend. Then, my father came to live with us. The first few months that he was around were a very happy time for me. I thought mom was happy too. I thought everything was in its rightful place already.

My picture of my ideal family shattered after just a few months. Mom and dad started fighting. Dad went against the other members of the family. He started shouting at me. A time came when I and my father would not see each other even if we live in the same house. It was like he was working in some far off place. He would leave early then come home at dawn. Sometimes, I don't know who he was anymore.

My father left us, leaving only a note. It was a very painful experience. I can't remember what i did after reading the note except that I cried together with my mom.

After a few years, I got in touch with him again. That was the time when I was academically on top of my class. Every time he called, he would inquire about my grades and NOT me. He told me he wanted to come live with us. Again, my mom made me decide. It took a lot of thinking. My ideal family still may have hope. He may have changed already but again he may have not.

My answer was no. I realized that I do not want another person (especially my mom)to suffer just for me to be happy. I learned that sometimes things are better off the way they are.

I believe that things won't always be the way I wanted them to be. I will do my best to pursue what I want. But, if it is not for me, if God doesn't give it, then I'll stop wanting. I have faith in Him. I know He has good plans for me.

And with this experience, I learned to live through my falls. I made limits when thinking of negatives. I learned to swim in the big ocean of challenges. I saw how life balances itself. I learned to decide for myself. I learned to be strong.

I learned to shut bad things inside. I learned to stop tears to stop my mom's. I become too expectant of others. My being pessimistic sometimes reached its peak. Despite all these, I believe I did achieve good things.

I tell things to mom to relieve pain. We became closer. Still, she and everyone else, is enough for me. I became considerate of others. I don't want to stab those who are important to me or those who haven't done anything to me. I learned t o live through my falls. I made limits when thinking of negatives. I learned to swim in the big ocean of challenges. I saw how life balances itself. I learned to decide for myself. I learned to be something different than my father. I have become stronger. I do have weird finding about myself. It is probably a mutation of my experience. If I wanted to prove something, I'd prove it. I would reach it. I would do it for sure. During the past few years, I stopped after proving something. Now, I'd continue beyond those goals in life. I would become greater...